this just goes to prove
that there is no one who is pure
no one you can trust
to be loyal and true

no one you can depend on
Te be around when shit goes down
No one to lean on
When life takes an unexpected turn

Ever since i was wee
i have been made to choose sides
either crazy mad mamma
or abusive retarded father

The governor is crazy
A flag of god she waves
Knitted out of cashmere
its either to god or crafts she slaves

The other is an old man
Who never had a father
who saw his role in the house
As just a punisher and abuser

Whenever i supported one
I found the other was worse
Then i was trapped in a battle
engaging who i supported first

It turned into a endless cyclone
No matter what i did i couldn't fight it
The winds picked up speed
and finally cracked my metronome

and so i stopped taking sides
thought i would let you fight it out
you separated from each other
it was over, i had no doubt

But now i stumbled somewhere i never should have been
There is a huge choice infront of me
To compose a new battle scene
One to be written about
In the epics of The Jones
One that will be engraved
upon our tombstones

So what should i do
should i say she was right
that she had a real cause
for her 32 year fight

or should i forgot
let dust go to dust
And let my secret out
Only to the dusk

This is me

This is me dying
This is me trying
This is me crying
This is me failing
This is me dreaming
This is me falling
This is me fading
This is me running
This is me leaving
This is me suffering
This is me dying

Rhymes! Oh poetry!

30 on the phone
20 online
So many poems i've written
In this short time
Most are short
Some are long
But in all
I come undone
Why do i write
And waste my time
When no one reads
My worldly rhymes
They talk about life, love and fears
But most of all they speak of many unshed tears

But what is it with rhymes
Polluting my healthy mind
With ideas of life
For which i have no time
They are artistic crimes
Which force me to fall in line
Asking me to donate my thoughts and mind
For an outcome where i dont gain a dime
But i dont always mind
Sometimes the poems are worth the time
They're not cloudy like a french mime
And instead they have a lesson which they chime
Reminding me to make use of my time

The feeling of dying

Useless piece of shit
It's a book with no script
Everyday i grab it and sit
And i flip through pages of it
Looking for stamps and writing within
That prove memories which otherwise can't exist

And im caught out as a lier
While actively denying
That the shit i speak
Is the truth about who i am
Well fuck that
Who needs proof
See me?
In sixteen years i've seen, more shit than can be
Im living proof, as solid as can be
Now believe me
Cus half the shit that i've seen
Has to be described as unreal
But i survived
Yeah i'm still alive
Despite dying a small number of times
But i don't mind
It happend before i could really remember my life

There's only one time i do remember
Which was in the middle of a winter night
Leaning over a window sill, for my life i had to fight
I lost control of my life
I died
Woke the next day with my mother by my side
Crying to me that i scared her
Then she left my side
Blaming me for scaring her from her hide

Makes no sense don't it?
Not my fault i almost died
The way i was born was no chose of mine
That feeling though, the one of loosing sight
Knowing that against your control
Your losing grip on your life
It haunts me
Constantly i remember
The feeling of what it's like to be free
When ever i remember
I feel more like me

Prozac

Take some prozac
Fuck that
That shit is going to make you mad
I like my head, just the way it's at
I like to think, and not have my mind go blank
Matter of fact
That's what it's all about
Taking that shit, is just going to make you mad
My life ain't even near, anything that bad
So why prescribe me, some of this new chemical fad
I've will never need it, and i don't think i ever had

What's with the colour
Why do they make it jade
And what's with the shape
Diamond? like bling for your brain?
Rims that spin
Making you go insane

If your like me
And you know how to work the streets
You know you need your head
To keep from getting beats
You know you need your head
To not lose your feet
You know you need your head
To battle the oncomming sleet
So what's the use of this fucking mind pill
You will lose your head, and everything within

The cost of you

My killer addiction
Is no ordinary addiction
On the contrary, it's more of an affliction
With a mean misson
It's constantly beating me to submission
It came without my permission
And refuses to give me an intermission
It's hitting
Splitting
Like nuclear fission
It's an affliction that gets rougher
Every time I beat it, it comes back tougher
A disease that makes me suffer
But i can't run for cover
Wherever i go it's there
Like fucking headlice in your hair
Curing needs extra special care
But i still don't dare
And i can't
And i shan't
Because the pain i feel
Is a dose of what's real
And after all, that's the whole deal
Pain for a while
Accompanied by random crying
A hint of lying
And the feeling of my soul dying
Is all the cost of being near to you
And for all that it is, it still makes me smile

Let him live the rest in peace!

I've seen the mountains of germany
The castles of england
The markets of the middle east
The great seas
But the worst of all my feats
Was seeing my old man stop being free

They say that
When he was twenty five
He used to walk with pride
In every single stride
No one had every seen him cry
But that river of strength has dried
And without my mum by his side
He's completely gone, as if he died
His brain is completely fried
Fix it i tried
Moving the cogs i pryed
But my mum acting like a tide
With all the ups, downs and turn arounds
Has taken it's toll on my old mans pride
His eyes are dry from all he's cried
I'm suprised he's still alive
The will of a lion beating from the inside

I'll be here till you die
From me you needn't shy
Im here for you when you cry
Survive please i pray
And stand strong i say
Together we will battle this fray
And emerge to fight another day
In fighting we'll find another way

He can't keep it up
Thirty years is fucked up
His ticker must be fucked
Let alone his brain
Is it safe to call him sane
When he's suffering that much emotional pain
Drowning in a shower of rain
Forming words which stain
He has nothing to gain
But still his neck he cranes
Day in day out, shine or rain
He never gives in to pain

I'll be here till you die
From me you needn't shy
Im here for you when you cry
Survive please i pray
And stand strong i say
Together we will battle this fray
And emerge to fight another day
In fighting we'll find another way

It really is a shame
That she insists on this stupid game
Not seeing he gave up on fame
By her wish he came
To be around in our frame
Making the family all tame
Giving us all a good name
And she insists on throwing the blame
Well she was right off aim
Shes gone right ahead and set a flame
Causing the worst kind of family maim
And its all his fault she claims

I'll be here till you die
From me you needn't shy
Im here for you when you cry
Survive please i pray
And stand strong i say
Together we will battle this fray
And emerge to fight another day
In fighting we'll find another way