I've seen the mountains of germany
The castles of england
The markets of the middle east
The great seas
But the worst of all my feats
Was seeing my old man stop being free
They say that
When he was twenty five
He used to walk with pride
In every single stride
No one had every seen him cry
But that river of strength has dried
And without my mum by his side
He's completely gone, as if he died
His brain is completely fried
Fix it i tried
Moving the cogs i pryed
But my mum acting like a tide
With all the ups, downs and turn arounds
Has taken it's toll on my old mans pride
His eyes are dry from all he's cried
I'm suprised he's still alive
The will of a lion beating from the inside
I'll be here till you die
From me you needn't shy
Im here for you when you cry
Survive please i pray
And stand strong i say
Together we will battle this fray
And emerge to fight another day
In fighting we'll find another way
He can't keep it up
Thirty years is fucked up
His ticker must be fucked
Let alone his brain
Is it safe to call him sane
When he's suffering that much emotional pain
Drowning in a shower of rain
Forming words which stain
He has nothing to gain
But still his neck he cranes
Day in day out, shine or rain
He never gives in to pain
I'll be here till you die
From me you needn't shy
Im here for you when you cry
Survive please i pray
And stand strong i say
Together we will battle this fray
And emerge to fight another day
In fighting we'll find another way
It really is a shame
That she insists on this stupid game
Not seeing he gave up on fame
By her wish he came
To be around in our frame
Making the family all tame
Giving us all a good name
And she insists on throwing the blame
Well she was right off aim
Shes gone right ahead and set a flame
Causing the worst kind of family maim
And its all his fault she claims
I'll be here till you die
From me you needn't shy
Im here for you when you cry
Survive please i pray
And stand strong i say
Together we will battle this fray
And emerge to fight another day
In fighting we'll find another way
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Another one bites the dust
Where did it all go wrong?
In october we seemed so close
Now i a m absoloutley lost
I am out of control
It is january and you are nowhere to be found
My feelings for you were very few
Over the next few months i realised how fast they gre
You went from a good friend
To an unhealthy obsession that wouldn't end
And i cried day and night
Because of you
I don't know why
You were never mine
But still i cried
You didn't know
Or so i thought
I never said a word
But now something has come along
I don't know who, what or where
But as friends our relations ship has broken
We have suffered a irreparable tear
What i tried so hard to avoid
Has come aroudn to bite me hard
The same reason i kept quiet was because i couldn't stand to lose you
Now as a friend you leave without a word
I regret my silence
I regret my effort
I regret my kidness, my support, my friendship
I regret meeting you
Not that it wasn't good
We had our laughs
I admit some words we shared were weird
Some moments to me were sacred
And some things i wont forget
Our friendship was short lived
Six months was not enough, but its all i can get
And i wont lie by saying its all that i wanted
I wont lie by saying i wont miss you
And i wont lie by saying il be strong and that i wont cry
As friends we will part
And though i wish we wouldnt
We will
Im sorry for everything i have ever wronged you in
I wont forget you
Your name will forever be engraved
Among the others who already befriended me and left
In october we seemed so close
Now i a m absoloutley lost
I am out of control
It is january and you are nowhere to be found
My feelings for you were very few
Over the next few months i realised how fast they gre
You went from a good friend
To an unhealthy obsession that wouldn't end
And i cried day and night
Because of you
I don't know why
You were never mine
But still i cried
You didn't know
Or so i thought
I never said a word
But now something has come along
I don't know who, what or where
But as friends our relations ship has broken
We have suffered a irreparable tear
What i tried so hard to avoid
Has come aroudn to bite me hard
The same reason i kept quiet was because i couldn't stand to lose you
Now as a friend you leave without a word
I regret my silence
I regret my effort
I regret my kidness, my support, my friendship
I regret meeting you
Not that it wasn't good
We had our laughs
I admit some words we shared were weird
Some moments to me were sacred
And some things i wont forget
Our friendship was short lived
Six months was not enough, but its all i can get
And i wont lie by saying its all that i wanted
I wont lie by saying i wont miss you
And i wont lie by saying il be strong and that i wont cry
As friends we will part
And though i wish we wouldnt
We will
Im sorry for everything i have ever wronged you in
I wont forget you
Your name will forever be engraved
Among the others who already befriended me and left
Friday, 15 January 2010
Fragments
So many
Unfinished poems
Rivers of emotions
Which went dry
So many things
Which will never be said
Or anyone hear again
Thoughts, lost in translation
Meanings which cant be read
Some things you cant write about
Because they have to be felt
My love for you is unusual
You dont love me too
However i can't help but express
How much i love you
It's hard to find the words
I struggle when writing
I can even break down
Because it means that much to me
It's my only release
Because i'm too scared to talk
So many
Unfinished poems
Rivers of emotions
Which went dry
So many things
Which will never be said
Or anyone hear again
Thoughts, lost in translation
Meanings which cant be read
Some things you cant write about
Because they have to be felt
My love for you is unusual
You dont love me too
However i can't help but express
How much i love you
It's hard to find the words
I struggle when writing
I can even break down
Because it means that much to me
It's my only release
Because i'm too scared to talk
Thursday, 7 January 2010
Last time i ran
Let's go back to yetseryear
A time of self pity, confusion and fear
It was the time when all was wrong
Oh how glad am i, that it is now gone
Yesteryear was a bumpy ride
I was mugged, scared
And tossed aside
Robbed of all dignity
And most importantly my pride
I spent most days in bed
In that time i cried
It changed though
Towards the end
I moved to a place
Where i am among friends
My heart and soul
Have begun to mend
My life seems to have
Found the right bend
I've helped myself
All that i can
Its up to the people
Who are all around
To stick my feet
Deep underground
To write in my history
About the last time i ran
A time of self pity, confusion and fear
It was the time when all was wrong
Oh how glad am i, that it is now gone
Yesteryear was a bumpy ride
I was mugged, scared
And tossed aside
Robbed of all dignity
And most importantly my pride
I spent most days in bed
In that time i cried
It changed though
Towards the end
I moved to a place
Where i am among friends
My heart and soul
Have begun to mend
My life seems to have
Found the right bend
I've helped myself
All that i can
Its up to the people
Who are all around
To stick my feet
Deep underground
To write in my history
About the last time i ran
Monday, 4 January 2010
Change of plans
Its funny how you can make a plan
Write some things on which you stand
Minutes later its all in pen, and then
You turn your stance right back around
I feel better
All-be-it not forever
But it shall last for some time
Im in control
No more feeling droll
My mood is boosted again
Its thanks to you
A phone call or two
Can really brighten my day
So from tonight
I'll continue to fight
And vow never to give up again
Write some things on which you stand
Minutes later its all in pen, and then
You turn your stance right back around
I feel better
All-be-it not forever
But it shall last for some time
Im in control
No more feeling droll
My mood is boosted again
Its thanks to you
A phone call or two
Can really brighten my day
So from tonight
I'll continue to fight
And vow never to give up again
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Control
False hope once again
A whole dream destroyed
I thought this time I could make a change
Got sucked in with thoughts of what could be
That I forgot to make any plans
And now time is running out
Nothing came to fruit
A waste of time
A waste of thoughts
Got me riding on false hope
I gave up on loving you
Three nights ago to be exact
Pouring my soul out to you
Was my way of chickening out
Scared of being rejected
Scared of not being up to scratch
Was enough reason, for my ego to collapse
I ran
Ran so I don't get hurt
I tell myself every night
It's so you can be happy
But I know I was protecting my own hide
I'm scratched
Damaged goods
I think the whole world knows
I'm fresh
Fresh produce
Too young to be with you
I've been cut
I mended
Usually takes a year or two
This time is a turning point
The last one for me
I used to run
Try my best to escape
To never see their face
Difference is
The time me and you
Are stuck in this place
So i'm sorry if i change
Become a little hard
Stop talking to you at all
And don't enjoy life
It's because i love you
So il distance myself
To make this thing work
Other wise i'll lose it
I'll go completely mad
Best thing would be
That i become a huge jerk
Soulless. Dedicated only to work
Friendless. Spend all my time alone
Collapsing. Let the whole world know
So i will
I'll get far away from me
Leave everything behind
Most of all my personality
I'll become one more
In an army of drones
I'll be another hermit
I'll be in control
A whole dream destroyed
I thought this time I could make a change
Got sucked in with thoughts of what could be
That I forgot to make any plans
And now time is running out
Nothing came to fruit
A waste of time
A waste of thoughts
Got me riding on false hope
I gave up on loving you
Three nights ago to be exact
Pouring my soul out to you
Was my way of chickening out
Scared of being rejected
Scared of not being up to scratch
Was enough reason, for my ego to collapse
I ran
Ran so I don't get hurt
I tell myself every night
It's so you can be happy
But I know I was protecting my own hide
I'm scratched
Damaged goods
I think the whole world knows
I'm fresh
Fresh produce
Too young to be with you
I've been cut
I mended
Usually takes a year or two
This time is a turning point
The last one for me
I used to run
Try my best to escape
To never see their face
Difference is
The time me and you
Are stuck in this place
So i'm sorry if i change
Become a little hard
Stop talking to you at all
And don't enjoy life
It's because i love you
So il distance myself
To make this thing work
Other wise i'll lose it
I'll go completely mad
Best thing would be
That i become a huge jerk
Soulless. Dedicated only to work
Friendless. Spend all my time alone
Collapsing. Let the whole world know
So i will
I'll get far away from me
Leave everything behind
Most of all my personality
I'll become one more
In an army of drones
I'll be another hermit
I'll be in control
Ooops
Pop
Lost my cherry
Not in the physical sense
But metaphorically
I've started a new
Once again
Oops a mistake
I've done it again
Met a girl who is great
One that I want
Time to get cracking
Oops i failed
Don't know what to do
Can't think of any more plans
To get closer to you
Oops i gave up
Can't keep following through
I have to let go
Of the chane of me and you
I think I've got a plan
I just hope I can follow
It involves being lonely and sad
Once again becomming hollow
Go back to being a hermit
Living life in front of a screen
Good luck trying to commit
While others are free
See I know I love you
And I know that its the truth
So if I can't have you
Then I'll stop the pursuit
It will be hard
Most likely a test
But I can't sit back
And give it a rest
I came here knowing
This is the place to change
A place to start over
The last chance to run away
But now im regretting it
This time I'll have to stay
And watch the girl I love
Get away
Lost my cherry
Not in the physical sense
But metaphorically
I've started a new
Once again
Oops a mistake
I've done it again
Met a girl who is great
One that I want
Time to get cracking
Oops i failed
Don't know what to do
Can't think of any more plans
To get closer to you
Oops i gave up
Can't keep following through
I have to let go
Of the chane of me and you
I think I've got a plan
I just hope I can follow
It involves being lonely and sad
Once again becomming hollow
Go back to being a hermit
Living life in front of a screen
Good luck trying to commit
While others are free
See I know I love you
And I know that its the truth
So if I can't have you
Then I'll stop the pursuit
It will be hard
Most likely a test
But I can't sit back
And give it a rest
I came here knowing
This is the place to change
A place to start over
The last chance to run away
But now im regretting it
This time I'll have to stay
And watch the girl I love
Get away
The Invisible beast
Depression is the most unholy of beasts
On the healthy mind it wrecks havoc and feasts
It's worst in the dark, when alone at night
Making the strongest, give up the fight
It's a silent killer, which is never to blame
Playing with human lives, like a childs game
Eating away at all the best
Memories untill there's nothing left
Leaving behind an empty shell
Stripping us of all, but our minds hell
It's a beast
Causing panic chaos and fear
Confusing us until we are unsure what is real
But i know this is, Because it's a poem
In which my emotions have no role
And so they won't lie
To make it good
Instead it is written as poems always should
As true to the core as it could
Controlling my fears is one more step
But like always it's on a ledge
Will i stay or will i fall
Control of that i have no more
So i stand still
Don't make a move
Waiting for a rescue
Which will never dawn
Im scared of slipping
And scared more of the fall
Come help me i plead
I can't stand this anymore
On the healthy mind it wrecks havoc and feasts
It's worst in the dark, when alone at night
Making the strongest, give up the fight
It's a silent killer, which is never to blame
Playing with human lives, like a childs game
Eating away at all the best
Memories untill there's nothing left
Leaving behind an empty shell
Stripping us of all, but our minds hell
It's a beast
Causing panic chaos and fear
Confusing us until we are unsure what is real
But i know this is, Because it's a poem
In which my emotions have no role
And so they won't lie
To make it good
Instead it is written as poems always should
As true to the core as it could
Controlling my fears is one more step
But like always it's on a ledge
Will i stay or will i fall
Control of that i have no more
So i stand still
Don't make a move
Waiting for a rescue
Which will never dawn
Im scared of slipping
And scared more of the fall
Come help me i plead
I can't stand this anymore
Saturday, 2 January 2010
That cursed day
Sitting near the fountain
On that cool winters day
With you by my side
Was another mistake
The wind in your hair
Blowing it into my face
Is something i won't forget
That smell
An aroma
Purer than air
Why can't all people smell the same
It flew by
Got caught in my nose
And now it rests in my brain
The smile
Resting on your face
Made it all seem okay
Were you happy?
The sun glinting off your sun glasses
Hid whatever your eyes would say
That day was cursed day
Its the day i really felt the truth
The day i realised
The only thing i want is you
The day that i realised
I can never have you
The look on your face
As he showed off his moves
Made me weep inside
But who am i to judge
Its not like your mine
Your free to do what you do
Please don't be sad
Or wallow in thoughts
You can go for it if you want
But i warn you from now
Whatever you guys may have
Will be nothing but hollow
On that cool winters day
With you by my side
Was another mistake
The wind in your hair
Blowing it into my face
Is something i won't forget
That smell
An aroma
Purer than air
Why can't all people smell the same
It flew by
Got caught in my nose
And now it rests in my brain
The smile
Resting on your face
Made it all seem okay
Were you happy?
The sun glinting off your sun glasses
Hid whatever your eyes would say
That day was cursed day
Its the day i really felt the truth
The day i realised
The only thing i want is you
The day that i realised
I can never have you
The look on your face
As he showed off his moves
Made me weep inside
But who am i to judge
Its not like your mine
Your free to do what you do
Please don't be sad
Or wallow in thoughts
You can go for it if you want
But i warn you from now
Whatever you guys may have
Will be nothing but hollow
Elliot? Please don't be dead.
Compulsively i sit there
Try to think of words to say
Open my mouth to speak
But silence
I just stare straight ahead
I close my mouth
And think once again
I go to speak
Only to forget my place
I scream, let it all out
It is too late
What did i do?
I wish i knew
I know i screwed up
What did i do?
This guilt is too much
Can't handle it
I'm sorry i couldn't help
Save me,
I'm sinking down
Lower and lower
To the point of no return
This madness
Insanity
Has a grip
Too strong on me
Help me
Before i'm too far gone
I know its a cheap shot
The only thing i can say
I'm sorry i waited
To voice my concern
Are you still there?
Please don't be gone
Elliot?
Are you okay?
Please say yes?
I'm here for you buddy, if the meds ever mess with your head, please tell me before you do anything rash and please, please, please stay in contact, i need you as much as you said you need me.
Try to think of words to say
Open my mouth to speak
But silence
I just stare straight ahead
I close my mouth
And think once again
I go to speak
Only to forget my place
I scream, let it all out
It is too late
What did i do?
I wish i knew
I know i screwed up
What did i do?
This guilt is too much
Can't handle it
I'm sorry i couldn't help
Save me,
I'm sinking down
Lower and lower
To the point of no return
This madness
Insanity
Has a grip
Too strong on me
Help me
Before i'm too far gone
I know its a cheap shot
The only thing i can say
I'm sorry i waited
To voice my concern
Are you still there?
Please don't be gone
Elliot?
Are you okay?
Please say yes?
I'm here for you buddy, if the meds ever mess with your head, please tell me before you do anything rash and please, please, please stay in contact, i need you as much as you said you need me.
Friday, 1 January 2010
Happy new year
When your young
Your beauty is important
It signifies your youth
Makes you take a chance in life
Gives you a self esteem boost
Money is our goal in life
What we studied so hard for
Why we cope with the daily strife
What it all adds up to
Family are just people
The ones who are always around
The ones who control the penal code
They're also the ones who care
Friends are your equator
The ones you will give anthing for
They complete the equation of life
Whether or not they are traitors
When your old it all changes
Nothing is the same
Your beauty is all gone
Just proof of how things change
Symbols of a new dawn
Its not worth anything now
Your money is spent
It can't buy you any more happiness
Retirement means no job
No purpose in life
Family are all gone
Disperesed through the world
Your kids are the same as you used to be
They see you as a tyrant
Friends have gone their seperate ways
Some have died, some are still alive
They spend their time
Crying over what's lost
All that you have left
Are the memories of the best times
Times already gone
Reliving in them will keep you going
Lets make this new year
One to look back upon
Worth remembering
To erase your frowns
Happy new year 2010
This has to be one to remember
Your beauty is important
It signifies your youth
Makes you take a chance in life
Gives you a self esteem boost
Money is our goal in life
What we studied so hard for
Why we cope with the daily strife
What it all adds up to
Family are just people
The ones who are always around
The ones who control the penal code
They're also the ones who care
Friends are your equator
The ones you will give anthing for
They complete the equation of life
Whether or not they are traitors
When your old it all changes
Nothing is the same
Your beauty is all gone
Just proof of how things change
Symbols of a new dawn
Its not worth anything now
Your money is spent
It can't buy you any more happiness
Retirement means no job
No purpose in life
Family are all gone
Disperesed through the world
Your kids are the same as you used to be
They see you as a tyrant
Friends have gone their seperate ways
Some have died, some are still alive
They spend their time
Crying over what's lost
All that you have left
Are the memories of the best times
Times already gone
Reliving in them will keep you going
Lets make this new year
One to look back upon
Worth remembering
To erase your frowns
Happy new year 2010
This has to be one to remember
Welcome change
Welcome to the second decade
A age of transformation
Where everything will rapidly change
The long nights
And tiring days
This is were they climax
Into a orgasm of freedom
By the end of the decade
I'll be abroad
Married or enlisted
I'll be happy
This is the last trial
Then i'm free
I'm looking forward to it
It'll fly by hopefully
I'll be done soon
And then i can run again
Rebuild it for the last time
This time though il be free
Il make it absoloutely perfect for me
A age of transformation
Where everything will rapidly change
The long nights
And tiring days
This is were they climax
Into a orgasm of freedom
By the end of the decade
I'll be abroad
Married or enlisted
I'll be happy
This is the last trial
Then i'm free
I'm looking forward to it
It'll fly by hopefully
I'll be done soon
And then i can run again
Rebuild it for the last time
This time though il be free
Il make it absoloutely perfect for me
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)