Another one bites the dust

Where did it all go wrong?
In october we seemed so close
Now i a m absoloutley lost
I am out of control
It is january and you are nowhere to be found

My feelings for you were very few
Over the next few months i realised how fast they gre
You went from a good friend
To an unhealthy obsession that wouldn't end
And i cried day and night
Because of you
I don't know why
You were never mine
But still i cried

You didn't know
Or so i thought
I never said a word
But now something has come along
I don't know who, what or where
But as friends our relations ship has broken
We have suffered a irreparable tear
What i tried so hard to avoid
Has come aroudn to bite me hard
The same reason i kept quiet was because i couldn't stand to lose you
Now as a friend you leave without a word
I regret my silence
I regret my effort
I regret my kidness, my support, my friendship
I regret meeting you

Not that it wasn't good
We had our laughs
I admit some words we shared were weird
Some moments to me were sacred
And some things i wont forget
Our friendship was short lived
Six months was not enough, but its all i can get
And i wont lie by saying its all that i wanted
I wont lie by saying i wont miss you
And i wont lie by saying il be strong and that i wont cry
As friends we will part
And though i wish we wouldnt
We will
Im sorry for everything i have ever wronged you in
I wont forget you
Your name will forever be engraved
Among the others who already befriended me and left

Fragments
So many
Unfinished poems
Rivers of emotions
Which went dry
So many things
Which will never be said
Or anyone hear again
Thoughts, lost in translation
Meanings which cant be read
Some things you cant write about
Because they have to be felt

My love for you is unusual
You dont love me too
However i can't help but express
How much i love you
It's hard to find the words
I struggle when writing
I can even break down
Because it means that much to me
It's my only release
Because i'm too scared to talk

Last time i ran

Let's go back to yetseryear
A time of self pity, confusion and fear
It was the time when all was wrong
Oh how glad am i, that it is now gone

Yesteryear was a bumpy ride
I was mugged, scared
And tossed aside
Robbed of all dignity
And most importantly my pride
I spent most days in bed
In that time i cried

It changed though
Towards the end
I moved to a place
Where i am among friends
My heart and soul
Have begun to mend
My life seems to have
Found the right bend

I've helped myself
All that i can
Its up to the people
Who are all around
To stick my feet
Deep underground
To write in my history
About the last time i ran

Change of plans

Its funny how you can make a plan
Write some things on which you stand
Minutes later its all in pen, and then
You turn your stance right back around

I feel better
All-be-it not forever
But it shall last for some time
Im in control
No more feeling droll
My mood is boosted again
Its thanks to you
A phone call or two
Can really brighten my day
So from tonight
I'll continue to fight
And vow never to give up again

Control

False hope once again
A whole dream destroyed
I thought this time I could make a change
Got sucked in with thoughts of what could be
That I forgot to make any plans
And now time is running out
Nothing came to fruit
A waste of time
A waste of thoughts
Got me riding on false hope

I gave up on loving you
Three nights ago to be exact
Pouring my soul out to you
Was my way of chickening out
Scared of being rejected
Scared of not being up to scratch
Was enough reason, for my ego to collapse

I ran
Ran so I don't get hurt
I tell myself every night
It's so you can be happy
But I know I was protecting my own hide
I'm scratched
Damaged goods
I think the whole world knows
I'm fresh
Fresh produce
Too young to be with you
I've been cut
I mended
Usually takes a year or two
This time is a turning point
The last one for me

I used to run
Try my best to escape
To never see their face
Difference is
The time me and you
Are stuck in this place
So i'm sorry if i change
Become a little hard
Stop talking to you at all
And don't enjoy life
It's because i love you
So il distance myself
To make this thing work
Other wise i'll lose it
I'll go completely mad

Best thing would be
That i become a huge jerk
Soulless. Dedicated only to work
Friendless. Spend all my time alone
Collapsing. Let the whole world know

So i will
I'll get far away from me
Leave everything behind
Most of all my personality
I'll become one more
In an army of drones
I'll be another hermit
I'll be in control

Ooops

Pop
Lost my cherry
Not in the physical sense
But metaphorically
I've started a new
Once again

Oops a mistake
I've done it again
Met a girl who is great
One that I want
Time to get cracking

Oops i failed
Don't know what to do
Can't think of any more plans
To get closer to you

Oops i gave up
Can't keep following through
I have to let go
Of the chane of me and you

I think I've got a plan
I just hope I can follow
It involves being lonely and sad
Once again becomming hollow
Go back to being a hermit
Living life in front of a screen
Good luck trying to commit
While others are free

See I know I love you
And I know that its the truth
So if I can't have you
Then I'll stop the pursuit
It will be hard
Most likely a test
But I can't sit back
And give it a rest

I came here knowing
This is the place to change
A place to start over
The last chance to run away
But now im regretting it
This time I'll have to stay
And watch the girl I love
Get away

The Invisible beast

Depression is the most unholy of beasts
On the healthy mind it wrecks havoc and feasts
It's worst in the dark, when alone at night
Making the strongest, give up the fight
It's a silent killer, which is never to blame
Playing with human lives, like a childs game
Eating away at all the best
Memories untill there's nothing left
Leaving behind an empty shell
Stripping us of all, but our minds hell

It's a beast
Causing panic chaos and fear
Confusing us until we are unsure what is real
But i know this is, Because it's a poem
In which my emotions have no role
And so they won't lie
To make it good
Instead it is written as poems always should
As true to the core as it could

Controlling my fears is one more step
But like always it's on a ledge
Will i stay or will i fall
Control of that i have no more
So i stand still
Don't make a move
Waiting for a rescue
Which will never dawn
Im scared of slipping
And scared more of the fall
Come help me i plead
I can't stand this anymore